We don’t do things the easy way around here. We are moving to Minnesota in a month, Josh is splitting his time between here and there, and while he’s there, I’m a single mom. Luckily, I’m not a single “working” mom so that is one stress that is gone. But, nevertheless, it’s still just me and the kiddos. Whatever they need, it’s just me. Don’t get me wrong, I have our family here to help if I need it, but it’s a lot of just me. And for Josh, it’s a lot of driving, and a lot of being alone. Fortunately, he is staying with friends of ours until our house is ready, but he misses us. And we miss him.
So Christmas is coming up. I haven’t done much shopping. I need to pack the house. My mom had knee surgery. My husband is gone half the time. Izzy won’t potty train. Zach still needs daily PT exercises, and has a lot of appointments coming up. Jacob is afraid to move, and misses his daddy. And now, it’s time to start weaning Zach.
My goal had been to breastfeed Zach for at least a year, because 1) I don’t want to pay for formula, and more importantly 2) I want to give his brain the best chance at growth and development considering all he’s gone through. So, we’ve been having periodic weight checks because he’s not packing on the pounds like he should be. On his growth chart, he’s kind of flatlined, which indicates my supply is enough to sustain him, but not help him gain weight. So we’re going to see what a week on formula will do. In theory, it is a fantastic idea. In practice, you take a mama’s boy who has only taken a bottle maybe 15 times in his whole life (pretty sure I’m rounding up), and switch him to a bottle and formula. Oh yeah, and he has to take this bottle and formula from the one person who he won’t take it from–Mama.
Back when I was supposed to work third shift, the poor baby wouldn’t drink much from a bottle. He would rather starve than not be fed by me. Then there was his time at the hospital when there was concern about his suck/swallow reflex. It made sense to most of us that a baby who has really only been breastfed may not take to a bottle well, especially when it’s introduced while he’s fighting a life threatening illness. Oh, the frustration. We were given some samples today to help get us started. He’ll take a few drinks and look at me like “what the HELL is this woman?” Even had my mom try to give him some, and you would think it had green beans in it (for those of you who don’t know, the boy hates green beans. Would rather have them sit on his tongue for an eternity than eat them). Anyhoo, on top of all that is already going on, I have to worry about him not getting enough food. Oh wait, I worried about that anyway. Now I have to worry about him not taking to his new food. While all of this is a lot of little things piling up and comes nowhere near some of the challenges we’ve faced, I’M SICK OF IT!!! I’m told that these struggles build character. I think I have enough character for awhile. Don’t want to hog all of it.