Last night was a lesson in sleep being for the weak. I’m not embarrassed to be part of the weak. For the second night in a row Jake fell asleep in my spot on the bed. No problem, I figured I could just go sleep on his bed, and everyone would be happy.
I went to bed at eleven, when I hear this little girl voice say “mommy, can you please snuggle me and sleep in my room?” She was so cute I couldn’t say no, and figured she had already been asleep, so she should fall back asleep, right? No. It was like someone had given her crack. She kept talking on and on about how if Princess Kate came over to visit, we would want to use our nice plastic cups for her, because she is fancy. And she decides to remember at this moment that she didn’t put her tooth brush back in the holder. And she had to go potty. And please mommy could we have a girls only day where we painted our nails and there were no boys allowed?
After threatening repeatedly to sleep somewhere else, she quiets down. Only in voice. Not in action. She kept poking me on the cheek to see if I was asleep. Finally she wore out, just in time for Zach to wake up crying. I get him up, happy that I had a sippy cup ready in the fridge so I could feed him and lay him down. But no, he too was on crack. As soon as I picked him up, he started laughing and clapping, and I could hear in his little mind “yay, she’s all mine!! Party time!” I start to feed him because of course he won’t hold the cup on his own. Every two sips he would turn around for a hug. Yes I’m complaining about my two year old hugging me. It takes a half hour to get him to drink the rest of it, and of course now he’s all hopped up on sucrose.
I tried to lay him down, but he was spider monkeyed on me, and when I would get one arm peeled off and start in the next, he had himself suction cupped around my neck again. I get him loose and laid him down, and he has a combination cry/drunk sorority girl laugh. Any minute I knew he would zonk out. Nope. The betrayal, the mistreatment. This went on for about twenty minutes.
I stayed on the couch in case I had to get him back up for more snuggles. After dozing for about ten minutes, I decided to climb back in bed with Izzy, only to find her sprawled all over with no room. I have to decide if I should move her, so if she wakes up in again she wouldn’t freak out I wasn’t there, or risk going into the boys’ room and being greeted by a non-sleeping Zach and getting him all worked up. I took plan C and went to the couch.
A word about the location of the couch. It is against the wall in our living room that is shared with the closet in the master bedroom. So there’s a wall, a closet full of clothes and other crap, and closet doors. None of this does a dang thing to drown out the sound of Josh’s snoring. If I fall asleep before he starts snoring, I’m good for the night. But clearly I’m not sleeping so the couch isn’t going to work.
I took the risk and went into the boys’ room. Zach was asleep. Izzy was in her room passed out like she’d been on a bender.
I lay down and find I’m left with a tiny Lightning McQueen pillow that is barely the same size as my head. I looked around for a blanket to wad up and use because I’m scrappy like that, and of course, no such thing exists. It’s almost 2 AM at this point, and I give up and try to fall asleep. And I did. And then learned that my alarm was set to go off at 6 AM when my alarm went off at 6 AM. The child responsible for this will be payed back accordingly when the time is right.
And now, I just got back from loading up the kids in the van to go to McDonalds so I could get a Coke and attempt to function for the rest of the day. The little two are in their rooms, not napping because I must be giving off some sort of scent that says I’m tired and want to rest that adds to their already skyrocketing energy levels.
This is my glamourous life.