My SAHMhood ends this week. After nearly three and a half years of staying home and caring for my kids I’m rejoining the working moms of the world, this time as a single mom. I’m excited to start my new position, but with that comes the nerves and jitters as well. This is going to be a big adjustment for my kids, especially Zach. I hope that the past few months of attending preschool will help him adjust to the new day time environment and spending more time away from mom. Let’s be honest, it will probably be much easier for him than for me.
The original plan (yeah, we all know how plans work out) was for me to be home with the kids until Zach entered all day kindergarten. His extensive needs have made finding child care difficult as many centers cannot accommodate his needs for a variety of reasons. Wednesday I meet with a place that looks promising, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. In my dream world, I will find a place that will accept all three kids, meets Zach’s needs, meets their food allergy needs, and can transport Jake and Izzy from school to the facility. If this works for Zach but not the other two, we’ll work with that. If it works for the big two and not Zach, we’ll work with that also.
I was offered this position two weeks ago and my first day is Monday. I’m fortunate to have my mom available to watch the kids until regular day care becomes available, otherwise I don’t know how this would play out. I wanted to start this job as soon as I could give my kids more security and that didn’t leave much time to make arrangements in spite of starting early. My fun with adversary in life has taught me to just go with it. Somehow things work out.
I keep thinking about how difficult it could be. I’ve adapted to being a single stay at home mom, and now I have to take a different road again. My Type A personality has me making all kinds of organizational plans, from menus to chores and more. I have a lot of help and support from family and friends, but in all honesty I’m doing this on my own. And I don’t want to fail anyone. I want to do well at work and I want to do well for my kids. I know I need to include I want to do well for myself or I can’t do well for the others.
I need to let go of living up to fake super mom standards. I already don’t live up to them know. You don’t want to know what time my kids woke up yesterday. I’ve been a working mom before, with two kids and the illusion of a partner. I’ve done it before where I did the dropping off and picking up from daycare everyday, worked a full day in between and came home to make meals and keep house as best as I could. There was no me in that equation. There wasn’t room for me. The equation changes by now adding a special needs child and removing another. I won’t know what this new scenario looks like until I’m living it.
I watched my mom do it. I grew up under it. I know it can be done, and she made it look easy. I know she didn’t do it alone, and her children we older and she had no secondary parent who was accountable as well. It’s not better or worse, but different. And I thank God she’s here to help me with this. Thanks mom. I love you.