The Momarchist

I’m working on moving my blog to themomarchist.com. In the meantime new posts will appear on themomarchist.wordpress.com until I figure out how the hell to build a website. Wish me luck and thank you for following!

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It Never Ends

Pizzazzle will soon be moving to a new site with a new name. I’ll provide updates as they happen. 

This one is for my parenting soul mates. My Facebook feed has been filled with debates about parents v. the childless and who has it worse. Because it all needs to be a competition. Most of my ranting on the subject happens in my private Facebook groups or when I’m together with friends who are also parents. I was once single and childless, then married and childless, married with children, and now single with children. Ahh. Which one is the most difficult? I’ll let you guess 😉   (I’M KIDDING!!!! Sort of).

While I’m not trying to add to the debate, here’s something that many or most of the childless have not encountered (notable exception: nurses, health aides, doctors, etc.)…sitting at home, finally comfortable after a busy day, the dishwasher loaded and running, laundry folded (may or may not be put away), and then calls a voice from afar…

“I NEED YOU TO WIPE MY BUTT!!!!!!”

And there goes the happy feeling. From the day this beautiful child entered the world he or she has continued to crap and crap and crap and crap some more. Many of the principles of physics that were drilled into my brain in college seem as out of date as the notion of the world being flat. The law of conservation of mass doesn’t seem to apply. What comes out did NOT equal what went in, and weight gain doesn’t explain the difference at all!! (Yeah yeah yeah, energy expenditure and all but in that short of time? I don’t think so!) Anyhoo, this beautiful being has pooped nonstop. Us parents all rejoice when it’s time to begin potty training (the pitfalls are far to many to address here), and finally when it’s all done, we think “hooray!!!” Especially when the last one is out of diapers!!!

But wait—there is a lovely lingering time when these beautiful angels can’t wipe themselves well. Sigh. I don’t think it’s because no one talks about it, more like we live in denial about it. Sit any two or more mothers together and inevitably they will start talking about kids and poop. My friend and I talk about our kids and poop so much at work (among other kid stories) we believe we’ve prevented many of those around us from ever having kids (who says abstinence only doesn’t work??? It just needs a little poop talk). No one knows for sure how long this goes on. How do you know when you’ve wiped your kids butt for the first time? It’s not like there’s a spot to record it in the baby books (because I’ve kept up on those…yes…I have……..). Great, now that I’ve put that into the universe it will be the next celebrated milestone. I should get the copyrights taken care of now.

For me the most unbelievable part of it all is the conversations I can’t believe have happened….for instance:

Mom: okay, you’re done.
Child: Um, I don’t think you are. Can you wipe me once more?
Mom: No, you’re all clean.
Child: just once more? It feels like there’s still poop there
Mom: I’m looking right at your butt, there’s nothing there
Child: But I think there is
Mom: There isn’t. If any more toilet paper goes in the bowl it will clog.
Child: Okay. Are you sure?
Mom: Yes. Flush the toilet
Child: What if it clogs?
Mom: It’s not going to clog.
Child: But if it does?
Mom: Then we’ll have to plunge the toilet
Child: What if that doesn’t work?
Mom: Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it
Child: Are you sure you know what you’re doing?

No, kid. I have no idea what I’m doing.

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Wow

Oh the changes. So many changes in so little time. My time has changed drastically in the past eight weeks. In that time I had an interview for a job I had applied for, was offered said job, started the job, found daycare for the kids, and determined that this was all a great fit for us. So in a whirlwind I went from SAHM to a mom who works outside the home. Thanks to the glorious help from my mom and sister, I was able to wait to start the kids in daycare until to closer to the start of school. They have adjusted to the changes relatively well, though poor Zach is still trying to process what is going on. He has a best friend at school which completely warms my heart, and is having a great time, but here is a point where the lack of communication makes this very difficult. I can’t tell him what is going on and that it is all okay so I think his adjustment time will be long.

The daycare was a godsend. My friend Kathy calls the whirlwind “God Timing” because everything fell together way to beautifully to have happened on its own. I am experience a ton of answered prayers and I cannot express how grateful I am. The kids are all happy and have each had a number of field trips already which is much more exciting than anything I was able to do for them this summer.

My hope had been to hold off on starting a job until after the kids started school. Things did not time that way. When I saw this job posting, I found it very intriguing and believed it would be a good fit. Fortunately they thought so too. I’m back in the lab and am soooo happy to be there. I was apprehensive about getting back into it all after so much time away from working, but it was like riding a bicycle. Training went smoothly, and so far I think they’re all happy to have me there :). What feels great about this job is my paycheck does not come from other people’s illness. Instead it feels much more like providing a service to help keep people healthy (it’s a food allergy lab btw).

I am going to have to learn how to be a single mom with three kids, one with special needs, who works full time outside of the home. I have embraced the thought that for awhile my house will not be tidy. Clean, but not tidy. I have accepted that the only things that have to happen are: the dishes need to be washed, as do clothes, as do the children, and they kids need to eat. As long as those are met, things are good. When they are at their father’s house is when I can clean clean. I had a great moment of purging this weekend which helps with the clutter. I know that over time I will find ways to deal with the clutter and may even fall into a chore routine, but to maintain my sanity I need to keep most expectations relatively low and build from there.

It’s in my nature to try to do too much at once, and I know in this case doing so will be a fatal error. Sooooo, I’m trying to be patient, and succeeding….. Wish me luck, keep sending prayers, and if you have some fool proof tips for a single working mom, send them my way. Also, the crockpot is my friend.

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Another Chapter

My SAHMhood ends this week. After nearly three and a half years of staying home and caring for my kids I’m rejoining the working moms of the world, this time as a single mom. I’m excited to start my new position, but with that comes the nerves and jitters as well. This is going to be a big adjustment for my kids, especially Zach. I hope that the past few months of attending preschool will help him adjust to the new day time environment and spending more time away from mom. Let’s be honest, it will probably be much easier for him than for me. Continue reading

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What Keeps Me Up At Night

I had the stupidest dream ever last night. Copying and pasting from my own Facebook status, here it is:

 I traveled somewhere to run a 5K. The hotel I stayed at had numbered the rooms out of sequence. I was late for the start because I couldn’t find where in the hotel the race was (oddly an indoor race). I get to the start, and it looks like a miniature golf course. In order to find the right path, the runners had to stop at points and solve math problems. The answer directed which way to go. Wrong answer, wrong path. I manage to find the right path, but I get disqualified at the end because I didn’t show my work. Continue reading

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What am I going to do?

Five days left of school for the boys, four for Izzy. After that we have a week off before Zach starts summer school and the big two start three weeks of Vacation Bible School. I have no idea what I’m going to do with them all summer. Continue reading

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And the Meanest Mommy Ever Award Goes to….

I would love to write about my thoughts, feelings, concerns, fears, worries. I could write about my experiences with the half-marathon (which was AWESOME!) or how I worry about taking care of my kids financially after the divorce. I could be sharing ideas for how I plan on keeping the kids busy over the summer in a way that keeps them engaged but allows them time to relax and unwind. I could share some of my recipes. But alas, I will write about none of these things. Many of them weigh heavily on my mind, others are much more light-hearted and fun to share. No, in the front of my mind at the moment is having to take away my daughter’s books and toys.  Continue reading

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Dear Jacob

Dear Jacob,

I know you are mad at me right now, and I know there is no way I can explain this to you in a way that you will understand. I will not let you use the computer today. Most of the games you like to play are online, and I know how much you like to use Google to research the things that interest you. I’m happy to sit beside you as you play and explore, not only to be with you but to monitor what you see. The news stories of the week are too gruesome and too graphic to even deal with myself, and I don’t want you to see any of that. I fear you may stumble upon something that I can’t get rid of fast enough, or if I have to step away for a bit, you’ll see or read something that will upset you. Continue reading

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Little Steps

Zach did the best thing earlier this week. The big kids and I were picking him up from school, and we saw him walking in his gait trainer with his teacher. It looked like she was pushing him along, and his feet were going through the stepping motions. This is what he does at home. He has pushed himself backwards in his gait trainer at home, but never forwards on his own. When she saw me, she says “look at this!” and lets go. Little man walked out of the building on his own! Continue reading

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18 Days

If I counted correctly, there are only eighteen days until I run my first half-marathon. My time training has gone by so fast, and I hope I’m prepared. For my own mental game I had to throw away the idea of finishing in a certain time, and am trying to come to terms with the fact that I may have to walk some of this. I’ve come a long way in training, but even with all of this preparation, my first half may not be what I imagined it being, and that’s okay. Continue reading

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